Wednesday, December 11, 2013

What to Do When You Run Out of Deodorant?

This has probably happened to you as well, but my deodorant recently ran out. Yes, the deodorant became alive, grew legs, and ran out. So what happens when this seemingly impossibility happens to you? Running after it could be embarrassing because of the sweating and stink—the very things the deodorant is used to protect against. Of course, now one might realize why the deodorant ran out in the first place—who wants to protect anyone against sweat and stink?! What to do now? One possibility is buying some more but there are some potential problems with this depending on the person:
  • The deodorant might run out again.
  • Too lazy to physically go to the store to buy some.
  • Lack of memory to remember to buy some when present at the store.
  • The deodorant is expensive.
  • The store does not have the nice smelly deodorant you want, and you are picky.
  • The store only has antiperspirant deodorants, and you are overly concerned about the metals or other elements in the them.
  • No need for deodorant because of a overconfidence in the human body to produce nice smells—this usually does not last long though.
  • A lack of belief in the existence of deodorant—of course, this is foolish thinking.
What are things to do in place of deodorant if these problems are too big to overcome to buy more? Where here are some possibilities:
  • Put deodorant on your birthday or Christmas wish list—people might be more than willing to buy you some.
  • Have a shower morning and evening, and when you use the restroom, not only wash your hands but also your armpits. For those who never wash your hands, why do you even care about deodorant then? Also, please never shake my hand if that is the case.
  • Put on so much cologne that it is all everyone smells around you. Yes, they will be annoyed at you, but at least they do not smell your sweat and you do not have a bad stink—just a bad good stink.
  • Use any remnants left behind by the deodorant and hope for the best.
  • Avoid people and put up with your own stink.
  • Explain to people that you are using a new deodorant that only people with privileged noses can smell the deodorant and if you only smell stink, then your nose is not privileged and you should hide that fact in shame. Of course, this condones lying, which I do not recommend. However, it does not remove the fact that this is an option, but it will probably end poorly as most (if not all) lying does.
There are more possibilities for deodorant replacements, but I will leave those up to you. While writing this, a very kind person bought me some deodorant (and I did not even put it on my birthday or Christmas wish list), so I am going to lock up my deodorant so it does not run away again. Of course, I will use it first.


Sunday, October 27, 2013

What Would You Wish for If You Had Four Wishes?

I just watched a Twilight Zone episode where a man came across a wine bottle with a genie in it. He gave this person four wishes. Of course, it turned out bad (as there were unforeseen consequences for his wishes), and in the end, he wished for everything to be the way it use to be. The moral of the story was to be happy for what you have. So if you had been given four wishes, what would you wish for? Here are my quick thoughts on what I would choose:

  1. My first wish would be for a better topic for my blog post.
  2. My second wish would be for actual, real people to exist who would read my blog post (except for my loving and caring family who are already with me through good and bad blog posts—emphasis on bad).
  3. My third wish would be for everything to be normal to show people that weird is actually good and that if things were normal, the world would be a terrible place to live.
  4. My fourth wish would be to turn everything back the way it was and see if it does make me happier like in the show.
From the biblical worldview, happiness and joy exist through Jesus Christ for those that repent and receive Him as their Lord and Savior. You must be broken in spirit and mourn to receive the kingdom of God. We are wretched and sinful human beings, but praise be to God that He sent His Son to die in our place.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Some Annoying Things for Non-Lazy People

  1. Lazy people.
  2. Realizing that many of the things that annoy you are a result of lazy tendencies but you just overcome them.
  3. Realizing you do not overcome your lazy tendencies all the time and can be considered a lazy person at times.
  4. You are never satisfied with finishing tasks, as you have plenty more to do.
  5. Jealous of the lazy person who is satisfied with the tasks, or lack thereof, he has accomplished.
  6. Everyone else is still asleep.
  7. No one is at church yet.
  8. “The party started an hour ago, why are you just arriving?”
  9. “If you would learn to be like me, you would not have those problems.”
  10. Trying to come up with a list about non-lazy people when you do not even consider yourself as one or vice versa. In other words, I do not claim these are accurate.
 You can read another post I did on Some Annoying Things for Lazy People.

Friday, October 25, 2013

What Is the Scariest Monster Ever?

When we think of Halloween, a popular related subject is monsters. Do you have monsters of which you are afraid? If you have not read my Weird Take on Fear, I encourage you to do so because if you do not, then you better be afraid, very afraid. You should be so afraid that your fears will have fears. So yes, it might be a good idea to read that blog post.

Anyway, where was this blog post going? Well, it depends on what you mean by going. This blog post is currently going from my computer to the servers where it is hosted, but now that you are reading it, it is going from the servers to your computer. Wait a minute, that would mean that I am in your computer right now! Well what do you know! Oh the things I can do. Let us try something. Computer, make everyone’s homepage of the browsers to be Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh…

So now that you know where this blog post is going, we can continue with our topic of the scariest monster. What do you think of when we consider the scariest monster ever? Do you think of zombies, vampires, or werewolves?! AHHHHH! Perhaps you may even think of, well maybe I should not mention it … maybe you think of, of, of crickets!!! Oh woe is us in this torment of cricketdom!

You might say that that is ridiculous because crickets are not even around during this time of the year, depending on where you live. But I say that is what they want you to think. They want you think they are not around, and then when you least expect it, “Chirp, chirp, chirp!” “SHUT UP! I just want to sleep! Why are you so loud, chirping in my shower, which is right next to my bedroom?! Why do you only come in the middle of the night to torment me?! AAAAAHHHH!!!” Okay, I might have been traumatized by crickets when I was younger.

Upon searching, it seems there is a name for this type of fear—orthopterophobia. Of course, if you read my previous blog post Are You Afraid of the Dark? you will realize there is nothing of which you should be afraid if you submit to your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so there really is no such thing as the scariest monster ever if you are a Christian. As God’s Word states, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1).

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Halloween is right around the corner, and the monsters are beginning their preparations to be frightening. The darkness is painting the evenings blacker and blacker each night (in this part of the world at least), and people are practicing their screams. Well, at least I am, but I always do that and not just because Halloween is coming up. You never know when a well practiced scream could come in handy or mouthy. Ha ha, get it? Screams come from mouths and not hands? Oh never mind.

So yeah. The dark is a formidable foe. The dark is so terrible that I have to use a light to see. Most people sleep at night. Ever wonder why? It is because the darkness dictates that they do, and the people that do not sleep at night are usually so tired from fighting the dark fairies of sleep that they go straight to sleep in the light.

All of that is true with a little elaboration for effect, but did you notice that the dark runs away from the light? It comes back when the light fades, but when the light starts to shine again, the dark never stays around to find out what happens! The dark would seem to be the one that is scared and cowardly, so why should we be scared?

You might say it is the monsters who hang around in the dark that is what gives the dark a bad name, but why not take something with you that even monsters would be scared to face? Whether the monster is purely in your mind or takes a physical form, God has created all things and is complete control. Let God be your refuge and fear no more.

It is the monsters that should be afraid. Consider Hebrews 10:31: "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." Praise be to God that we need not be afraid for those that submit to Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

When Will Weird No Longer Be Weird?

What is the best way to influence the world in the ways of weird? Build a clone army of course! Once I have built my clone army, the world will have no other choice but to accept that weird can be good. In fact, weird is more good than it is bad. Once we have the first set of clones fully completed, we will start mass producing them. This is nothing of which to be afraid—you will not even realize what is happening, and the transition to weird will be better than you probably think.

Jeremy Two, the first clone, is growing fast and soon will begin spreading the message of weird. We are not sure whether we will base our next one on me or my assistant—Jeremy Three or Assistant Two. Both are very good options, and I am sure we will find the answer soon.

One of the most important duties in producing clones is training them with your knowledge, helping them to learn from mistakes we have already made and even encouraging them to better themselves by using God and his Word as their standard. The more clones you have, the more possibilities you have to spread the knowledge of God and His Son Jesus Christ. A key passage I would like to instill within their minds is Titus 2:11–14:
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
In other words, I would like to teach them what it means to be apart of a "peculiar people" for Jesus Christ, our Savior and God—we are meant to be separate from the world. People will see us as different or weird, but that will be a good thing. If they do not, then we may not be living as we should. I want them to not only know truth from this passage but to make it their own and spread to the news to others so that they can do the same.

I just realized I am not sure I ever answered the title of the blog post. The title was really rhetorical based on the topic of this blog post—that is, spreading the message of weird. If everyone takes hold of this message, then weird will no longer be weird. It is a good goal to have at least. In the end, we all know that God wins, and His peculiar people will be come the norm—and that is a good thing!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

"Good Morning!" And Other Pointless Greetings

Good morning! Or is it? Dr. Zachary Smith from Lost in Space may have had it right when he stated, "It is a morning, but its goodness escapes me." Of course, Dr. Smith and I have something in common. We are not morning people.

In fact, I am not even sure what a morning person would look like. Would they look like a sunrise and smell like dew? Typing of which, I do not believe I have ever smelled dew. How can water on plants and things smell? Then again, I have never studied the subject, so maybe the answer is obivous.

Moreover, I am not even sure why it is necessary when greeting people to declare the morning as good. What purpose does it serve? It only reminds the non-morning people that they are awake when they should be back in bed, and if you declare good morning to a morning person, they already agree with you, so why state it?

While I am on this subject, do you ever find it awkward when someone asks you, "How are you?" Then you respond to the question only to find they were not actually wanting an answer—they were really just using it as a greeting. Perhaps we should start by greeting people with an answer to the "How are you?" question before they even have the chance to ask it.

Picture it like this: In the morning, Billy Bob walks up to a person and says, "Good!" (Of course, Billy Bob is not really feeling good because he is not a morning person, but that is one of the standard answers to the question even if the world is crumbling around you.) So the person, who was about to say, "How are you?" (however, just as a greeting) is confused and a little dazed. With that, the bewildered person asks Billy Bob, "What?" Billy Bob has gotten the person to ask a question to which they really want an answer!

Some people ask, "What's up?" as a greeting as well, but why do people want to know what is above me? There are usually so many options too—like the "next level," "roof," "clouds," "birds," "sky," or my favorite, "new heights."

Maybe we should simply stick to saying, "Hello," or something similar. Now what is the point of greetings? It seems to be an announcement of your presense or an acknowledgement of the other person's presense. For example, what if you started your conversation without announcing your presense? People might get so shocked, not having acknowledged your presense due to your lack of announcing it, that people who are usually morning people might even become non-morning people.

Okay, so I have taken up most of this morning in which I have woken up too early writing this blog post, so I had better publish it now. Hello!


Thursday, June 27, 2013

What My Brain Remembers

Why it is a good idea to write on a blog with your thoughts? Is it for the benefit of the many others that will read your blog every time you post on it? I believe personal blogs are like the end credits to the movie: only the family members of people that contributed to the movie read them.

In my case, I wonder if my family even read these, but that is okay, as there is another good reason to write in a blog. Although in order to give this reason I will need to explain what my brain remembers, and that is nothing. Yep—nothing, nada, zilch, zero, etc.

As I go back and read my previous blog posts, it is like I am reading them for the first time ever—as if I never wrote them. Admittedly, my brain does remember some things, and that is all the significant terrible things that has ever happened in my life. Okay, so I am being a little sarcastic, but I am trying to make a point. A point that I may have made on a previous blog post, but I have forgotten about it. I guess I could go back and read my blog posts to see if I have made a similar point, but I am lazy.

Typing of which, I was just reading a blog post of this really funny but lazy guy writing about annoying things he does not like to do. You should read it. Of course, you might realize that the blog post was actually written by me. I was personally surprised I wrote it myself. As I was reading it, I was thinking that all of those lazy items are still very relevant to me now! It is almost as if I know who I am when it comes to laziness. I guess that is good to admit to, which is the first step to recovery.

Anyway, writing blog posts helps me to remember my thoughts, as my brain seems to have issues. Typing of which, I have already confirmed the existence of the brain in a previous blog post, but I never did find out if it was working properly, which makes sense if it is not because I have a terrible time remembering things.

I was recently reading a really good article on What Memories Are Made Of, which helped me realize some of why I do not remember things. Maybe the reason why I do not remember things is because my brain has to make room for my amazing processing power that I use on a constant basis. Then again, maybe not. Maybe my brain works just the way God made it!